Mom guilt.

 Ok so first, I have some BIG news to share!!

...and for me, this is a big deal 🤯😭

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something I have been on the fence about for a while...

ok years...

For years I have wrestled with the decision of whether or not to send A to daycare/school or to keep him at home. 

I know, I know...you’re probably thinking...but tons of moms and dads send their kids to preschool...

So why is this a big deal?

Well, for me it’s a big deal because the last few years I had built up the belief in my mind that since I work from home, the thought of sending him to preschool or daycare meant that I failed. 

That sending him out of the house meant that I failed to work from home AND be a mom fulltime. 

(**Which for the record.... are BOTH fulltime jobs)

Any other moms ever felt this?? 

Someone please tell me I’m not alone in this crazy “I have to be able to do it ALL” pressure that we for some reason put on ourselves. 

I mean...after all HE is my ‘why’ and even though I’ve done everything possible, including starting a business and building a residual income to ensure that I 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 stay home with him, does that mean that I should, just to prove that I can?? ⁣

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Which begs another question....why do I feel like sending him to preschool where he will probably thrive...is me failing?? 

Perhaps it’s society and watching insta-perfect moms doing all-the-things and making it look perfect and easy...

...meanwhile I’m here running a solo circus 🤪 feeling like my to-do list grows longer by the day, cleaning up the same messes multiple times a day and the thought of even having shower by myself seems like a treat for fear that there will be a disaster if I’m not supervising 24/7...😂

Lately with my very busy, very curious and far too intelligent 3 year old needing constant supervision, stimulation and activities to keep him out of trouble, I find my mom-mode is always on high alert and my business mode has been coming  in second...or during my ‘free time’. (If that’s a thing??)

However, on the flip side I do feel blessed that this is something I have the room to decide. 

I am so grateful that I took a chance on myself and started a business that I can work on my own schedule and that gives me the time and financial freedom to decide whether to keep my son home or not...

...but I will be honest, I’ve been feeling lately like out-of-home learning might actually be a really good thing for both of us. ⁣

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My business & our team has been growing by the 𝗱𝗮𝘆 and I want to be fully present for them...

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....but I also want A to have days full of amazing, creative & fun learning experiences...

so it got me thinking 🤔 ⁣

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...and I decided to start searching for preschools, in hopes that perhaps I’d find one that felt like the right fit...⁣

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And last week I did. 

So I set up a tour and after going to meet the teachers and seeing the space I knew in my heart I had found the right place and it actually made me so excited thinking of all the fun he will have and the friends he will make. 

...not gonna lie I also got excited imagining 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 😂😂 #winwin⁣ 🤟🏽

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So,

I’m CHOOSING to reject the lie that I have failed as a mom because I want to grow my business. 

I am CHOOSING to offer A the opportunity to make new friends, to learn from people that have a passion for early education and to give him the opportunity to have a full day of fun, art and new experiences. 

And I am CHOOSING to embrace a new mindset that this new experience will be the best for us individually & as a family.

I have no idea what’s in store for us in this new chapter, but I do know that when you walk by faith and not by fear there can only be growth and good things ahead.